How much do you like yourself? How we think, feel and behave is down to our self-esteem which is, basically, the relationship we have with ourselves. How much do you like and value yourself often reflects on how others see you? When you attend events social or business, what fears and concerns do you have walking into that room?
Am I good enough?
Will I be judged and found wanting?
Will I fail?
Will I be included?
Will I be taken seriously?
Will I make a fool of myself?
Will I do something to make me look stupid?
Will I be asked something and not know the answer?
Will I be ignored?
We walk into the event thinking about our imperfections and faults rather than our strengths, our ownself-worth and the fact that we are ‘nice’ people. Generations of English teachers have told us not to use the ‘N’ word but when it comes to attending events being a nice person ensures others will acknowledge you for who you are and include you readily.
To be a good networker one has to be approachable, friendly, affable, agreeable, likeable, and personable. The list goes on but at the end of the day ‘nice’ says it all!
Walk into that room knowing you are as ‘good’ as anyone else in that room, maybe not the richest, not the most experienced or even the most senior. A nice person is someone with a giving nature and a generous spirit and the greatest gift one person can give to another is the gift of time. Spend more time in a conversation being interested rather than interesting. People love talking about themselves; nice people let them. Listen carefully to what people are saying and react in the appropriate way. Don’t hijack a conversation; work hard on your active listening rather than simply waiting for the other person to stop talking.
3 key steps to building relationships
There are three key steps to building relationships (i.e. networking) namely
- getting to know people
- creating some mutual liking or, as a minimum, no trace of dislike
- moving to the longer term, building mutual trust.
When you have low self-esteem or see your self-image as lacking you can’t possibly like or trust yourself. People will see through you. Paul McKenna believes you can never be better on the outside than you believe you are on the inside. Your body language will say it all unless you are a highly accomplished actor! Wow, what a struggle you’re going to have walking into that room full of strangers.
Some may think that if we aren’t self-deprecating then we must be arrogant. No; it’s self -belief and the way this manifests itself is through liveliness and charm which can only be attractive to others. Be enthusiastic about what you do and who you do it for otherwise why should others want to be associated with you and your business. When you act enthusiastically you quickly become enthusiastic. Energy and passion are two great personal traits which are contagious and appealing.
The quiet, shy retiring person
People who describe themselves in this manner believe they have no chance when it comes to becoming part of the business development team. Oh how wrong they are. When you’re that nice person who listens carefully and follows up potential opportunities you can be as good as any of the ‘noisier’ ones in that room.
Want to know more?The author of this article is Will Kintish, leading UK authority on effective and confident networking. Visit www.kintish.co.uk
Tags: building relationships, business development, business networking, self-confidence, self-esteem, working a room
